I thought I was so damn clever.
I have been creating huge batches of content and carefully pre-scheduling, and pre-planning when things launch in an effort to allow me to be more present with my very full life this year. I’m currently sitting leisurely in the local teahouse letting the aromas of Jasmine waft in and out of my mouth and nose while I flesh out my social media posting calendar for February.
Despite a few unexpected surprises1, until a few minutes ago I was smugly here with a smile on my face cheering myself. A tiny chorus of
”heh, heh, heh— You’re totally smashing this small business thing. Everything is getting easier all the time. I can’t believe people bitch about this stuff so much” was carouselling through my mind on repeat.
…and then midway through creating my social media posts…
I notice…
In all of my cutesey, control-freak planning…
I totally fucked something up.
I don’t think I have had a single person catch the misalignement yet, (or at least, nobody has called me out if they have caught it) but it became clear the moment I began creating content specific for my substack posts on instagram.
Today I am typing this post on January 31.
It is supposed to be the content that slides softly and gently into your inboxes during the second Tuesday of the month of February. More specifically, February 13th.
Which also means that I’ve already posted my First Tuesday “If You Love What You Do” for February…in, well, January.
Fuck.
Somehow, in all of my self-congratulations on my efforts, I must have missed that January had five Tuesdays, not four. This honestly wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t revolve a lot of my other content around when these substacks post.
The moment strikes a giant gong in my head, and I frantically comb through all of my pre-set content and realize that most of my other my social media content that corresponds is also ever so-slightly off, too.
The whole house of cards tumbles down around me and I realize, yes, while the ebbs and flows of being self-employed are getting easier all of the time—I do not, in fact, have being a single-person, small business ownership schedule down yet. That juggling a thousand balls in the air at the same time only works if you’re fully present 100% of the time that you’re actively juggling. The moment a loud noise happens behind you and to the left, the best thing to do next is yell
”Take cover!”
and hope that everyone close by hears you, even though you’re mostly just saying it for yourself.
So, my dirtiest word for February is about getting off-kilter by falling into old patterns of attempting to over-engineer a system that was gilded in good intentions. Small potatoes really, but annoying and time consuming nonetheless.
In the meantime, I’m laughing and cursing at myself. I’m about to go order another tea at the counter, and comb back through everything to fix the mistakes as I go.
Thanks for being here while I navigate this journey.
It’s a pleasure to have y’all along for this ride. If you feel up for sharing your own small, time consuming mistakes this month—let me know. I’d love to hear where you’re pushing the edges of your own comfort zone and find them pushing you back.
This has been the Februrary’s iteration of Our Dirtiest Word.
On the second Tuesday of every month, Our Dirtiest Word, is all about failure. We'll be exploring the story of something I ‘messed up’ in my life and what I learned from the process.
Stay tuned! ;)
Feel you!! Thank you for sharing - My own substack "schedule" kinda went to shit, and the last two days I worked on an art project that did not turn out how I envisioned at all 😩 Trying to remember / remind myself that I'm in it for the process.....